3/07/2005 02:27:00 PM|||Andy|||
If it were 1986 and I were 30 and lived in hollywood and did lines and were mentally deficient I would write a sitcom about a combination Handyman/Lawyer. The handyman-ing would be his day job and the lawyer thing he could have quit cause he didn't like it or got tired of it or whatever.

This Handyman lawyer basically goes around fixing things poorly, but endearing himself to the people for which he performs his duties. I guess his name would be something like Mark John Jeffries Sr., just so when people see the people PC kid in the nineties they'll say "hey his dad is the guy from that Handyman/Lawyer show!" He carries his tools around in a briefcase and works in a really slick suit but he doesn't care if he gets stuff all over it. I guess there'd have to be some other main characters like a sidekick of some sort. Maybe he could have hallucintations about Wrenchy, the talking wrench who guides him to make the right decisions. Then there'd be a love interest who's always calling him over to fix stuff. Anyway here are some catch-phrases for him:

"I'll sue!"
"Motion denied!"
"Sustained!"

See it would work really well. Also instead of using a hammer for stuff he'd use a gavel. I think it'd also be great if unfrozen cave-man lawyer made a guest appearance. Since its 86 Phil Hartman would still be alive, but unfrozen cave-man lawyer wouldn't be invented yet, I'd be a pioneer. You'd watch it and love it.
|||111021353500012870|||"I'll sue!" - uproarious studio audience laughter