3/22/2005 10:16:00 AM|||Andy|||
It's come to my attention recently that, due to outside stresses including work, school, and general social aggravation due to certain collective groups (and, mostly, my own stupidity), I have started taking myself too seriously.

In an effort to avoid the mundane existence of some preposterous jerk who riddles his life with only serious and complex issues (seemingly to himself anyway) I've decided to give myself a metaphorical labotomy on the parts of my brains that allow me to continually analyze and bother myself with these things. I'm not really sure how to accomplish this, only to say that I'm going to start by eliminating long sentences like the latter.

It's goofy to worry about stuff that a) has not and probably will not happen, b) is impossible to control c) what other people think. Of course this basically sums up anxiety, but I'm currently not suffering from anxiety, nor have I really suffered from it in quite some time now (which is a blessing). The interesting thing is I think if I allowed myself to continually cycle through these preposterous ideas-instead of poopy jokes, cool toys, and good food-it would eventually drive me crazy enough to try and give myself an ACTUAL labotomy. Just kidding.

What does it boil down to then? I'm going to try and appreciate each day for what is rather than worry so much about tomorrow. That doesn't mean I will be apathetic to the future or to important long-term decisions, but more that allowing myself to worry about them will be cut to a minimum.

I'm going to try and accomplish this by a few minutes of meditation each morning starting tomorrow (as today's morning is nearly gone) and basically I'm just doing this to see if it works. I talked to an ex-girlfriend last night who told me she's been on meds for depression and anxiety for three years, but she was still having relationship problems similar to the ones we had when we dated years ago. I told her about the success I've had dealing with anxiety and how I managed to do it and in the end it fired me up to not let myself be trapped by own conscience or sub-conscience - so if you notice me not taking things as seriously (except for, of course, Ultimate)- that's the reason. I'm trying to return mentally to a child's mindset of worry, that is, try and relax and have a little more fun with things.

Can I do it? I think that probably I can though it will take time. The highest hurdle will of course be driving in Miami.