3/30/2005 12:18:00 PM|||Andy|||
With the prospect of a new job on the horizon (or I should say, a job period) I've been doing a lot of looking into the company and checking out resources online for doing well in interviews. Here are some tips of my own I've come up with to be sure to get the job.

1. Confidence - we can all agree that confidence is a big key, and nothing says confidence like walking right up to your interviewer and grabbing their balls, and or vag. Give their junk a firm shake. Remember: ELASO - everyone loves a sex offender.

2. Dress for success - This old cliche couldn't be more on point. Nobody doesn't like a guy in a bear suit riding a tiny bicycle into his interview.

3. Chemistry - all interviewers want to make sure you're a right fit for their company. Make sure you demonstrate how comfortable you are with them by passing gas throughout the interview, then chuckling heartily about it. It also helps if you continually apologize but also continue to grin and fart - or if you light the gas ablaze: making butt-fire.

4. Stand up for something - don't give wimpy responses to questions. You want this company to know that you're willing to stand up for what you believe. Strong racial slurs are highly recommended - try to pick a race that includes one of the interviewers.

5. Sense of humor - Everybody likes a guy who can make them laugh and brighten up the workplace. Attempting hilarious but highly dangerous practical jokes is a way to do this around the office. Typically these jokes involve fire, knives, and minor explosives.

If you follow the five simple steps above, you'll be sure to nab any job interview that comes your way. Good Luck!
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