10/18/2005 12:18:00 AM|||Andy|||
"Musically, we are more talented than any Bob Dylan. We are more talented than Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger ... I'm the new Elvis." - Pilatus (aka, Milli)

Go ahead, read it one more time. Ok, NOW you can laugh your ass off.

In the late 80's Milli Vanilli took the world by storm. Despite being completely knocked by every critic on the planet, their album produced 5 number 1 hits. That's FIVE number one hits. The good part is that eventually the plug was pulled (quite literally) on their act and after they were exposed, hilarity ensued. Record Labels offered refunds on their albums and ticket prices to anyone who "thought they were actually singing." In order to prove to the public they could do it, Milli Vanilli did a live acoustic performance. One critic even said they sang better than the dude on the album. So, in order to finish out their contract, they decided to do another album as Fab and Rob. Here's a brief synopsis of what happened shortly thereafter.

"In 1991 a despondent Pilatus attempted suicide; five years later, he was charged on eight counts of allegedly attacking and threatening two people in separate incidents. Under court order, he later entered a drug treatment facility. In 1998, a year after Morvan told VH1 that he and Pilatus were deceived into fronting Milli Vanilli, Pilatus was found dead in a Frankfurt hotel room after consuming alcohol and pills."

That brings us to 2005 and the Ashlee Simpson's newest release. Just when you thought the record industry was getting better, here she is! That's right, the same girl did the same stupid shit and yet the record companies are still investing millions into her advertising campaigns (in case you hadn't notice). I believe she is even appearing on SNL again for their season opener.

Call me stupid, but, shouldn't Ashlee be somewhere in rehab? Or shouldn't she have overdosed? Or at the very least, shouldn't she be her big sister's gardener or boob-adjuster or something?

Ashlee Simpson, you have as much place in the music world as our good friends Milli Vanilli. Please take Milli's lead and kill yourself, because you're sure not doing any good alive.
|||112960982977896440|||Ashlee Simpson...another album, really?