12/07/2005 10:18:00 AM|||Andy|||
If you watched Fear Factor last night then you saw my friend Angela compete with, and completely hose, 3 other teams of 2 and win $275 thousand dollars. What you may not know is what happened to the losers after filming.

My sources in Hollywood (which may or may not be Franklin at an old type-writer, dressed in 1920's garb with a fedora that has a tag reading "press" sticking out of the band) gave me permission to post the aftermath of the contest on my blog. Here's what happened to each team shortly after they were off-camera...

Josh and Jessica Hall, the first contestants to go home, were terribly disappointed at their first-round failure. Josh went back to his job as a policeman where his fellow flatfoots ridiculed him for months. Their constant teasing in tandem with the heavy weight of Josh's shame of dropping a flag drove him to begin creating ridiculous obstacle courses in his backyard and eventually throughout the neighborhood. In efforts to prove to everyone that he really didn't fear anything, Josh died in tragic fashion. He strung a huge net between several telephone poles, interlaced the net with some flags, and then doused the net with water. Seconds later he was hit by a bus. Jessica, who failed to even ATTEMPT grabbing the final flag grew ever-apart from her quickly maddening brother. She is still totally hot but is terrified of flags of any sort.

Laura and Linley's story begins with Linley's exiting of the set shortly after discovering a "problem" with his toe. Linley's only real problem is that he is a cyborg. After wading around in the disgusting water, a good amount of it got into his main circuit board, rendering him useless for competition. Laura, not knowing any of this, ran back to their hotel room crying after having lost the round, only to find Linley's face flipped down revealing various metal-workings, and a cord from his leg plugged into the wall. Being from Miami she wasn't smart enough to figure out he was a robot and they live together happily to do this day in Miami, exhibiting shitty driving skills and poor reading and comprehension.

Easily the most annoying and least educated couple on the show, the Scotti siblings were full of themselves. After years of lifting weights and watching Schwarzenegger movies, the male, Scotti (at least, I think he was male) told everyone he was "Superhuman" and that "no one else could make it...and my eyebrows are lovely!" Then came the pool. Hey retard, looks like your idiot sister can't SWIM! Despite bragging about how her trainer had her retrieving bricks froms the bottom of a pool (an exercise developed no doubt to shut her up and attempt to drown her more than to condition her), and showing off her disgusting physique, Tara Scotti lost the competition for herself and her brother. After the competition Charles Scotti furrowed his finely plucked and waxed eyebrows and said "My sister just wasn't super human enough." and broke down in tears. Months later Charles would be admitted to an insane asylum where he can be found currently. Huddled in a corner and mumbling about his days as an exotic dancer he shaves his entire body and wears a sun-dress most everywhere he goes. Tara spends most of her days staring blankly into space and occassionally goes to the local kiddy pool, attempts to get in, and then shrieks. She then tries to convince neighborhood kids to throw bricks in there for her to get and to time her. They just shake their heads silently and turn their backs on her.
|||113396964725565841|||Fear Factor: The Aftermath