12/22/2005 02:07:00 PM|||Andy|||
The bathroom in my office isn't really in my office, it's down the hall. It's shared with the other offices on my floor and to keep hobos out, each office is given a key.

I've used the bathroom everyday I've worked (or almost everyday) at least once yet for some reason didn't notice the hilarity that was lurking there in the form of a ridiculous sign. Today, as I was forced to use a stall* for...shall we say, not its intended purpose, I noticed it. Above the toilet, the following sign is posted:

In case you're blind...or...something, here's what the sign says:

Please flush the toilet
Push this handle dwn!
If you need furdher assistance
Please ask us. We will be
ready to halp you.

This sign sent my brain going at a hundred miles a minute with ridiculous scenarios, here are some...

Scenario 1 -

After doing his business, a man, aptly called Man, notices the sign.

Man (to himself): Ok, ok, wait. Now let me see. They want me to flush but how, how do I do that I mean they don't really offer any instr...oh wait, no...wait. Yes, there it is. Push handle d-...what is that? D-W-N? Oh I guess...I guess it means down. Wow, I wonder why they left the "o" out. I mean they've already written most of the word anyway it seems like they could, you know, at least put in the last letter...but uh...Okay so anyway push the handle dow-now wait a minute. It looks like...it looks like they've misspelled "help" too. I don't care where you're from that's just sloppy, I mean...I mean really of all the things to get wrong (man sighs)...well, okay so push handle do-...oh, damn, now I have to go again. That'll teach me for drinking 3 bottled waters in an hour.
Scenario 2 -

Man uses toilet and pushes flusher...nothing happens. He notices the sign and starts to ask himself how to summon "halp" when a red siren drops from the ceiling and begins flashing as an alarm goes off.

3 small gnome-like men burst through the bathroom door, tittering and exclaiming things like "aye carumba!" One of them holds out his hands, making a step, and flips the other two into the toilet with a "hey-up!" before executing a backflip into it himself. As he falls into the bowl he lassos the flusher with a very small rope.

Now all three inside the bowl they began paddling around chanting, and furiously yanking on their flusher. Suddenly a huge "whoosh" sounds and the gnomes begin swirling around and are eventually flushed.

The man wakes up in his office with no recolection of the last 15 minutes, only he feels relieved.

*Scenario 3

Man enters bathroom and as he's turning to use the urinal he notices a hispanic man at the sink. The hispanic man seems to be taking a shower of sorts as he gathers water in his hand, splashes it on his fack, neck, down his shirt, and then into his hair. He then procedes spread water onto his legs under his jeans and sloppily splashes water everywhere.

Man looks at semi-bathing man, gives him an odd look, shrugs, and walks into the stall and notices a hilarious sign. After peeing, he takes a picture of the sign with his camera, chuckles to himself at all the ridiculous crap in it, and leaves. Later that night he starts a blog about it, and the next day, he finishes the blog.

|||113514167043875710|||The Potty Helpers